How Did You Get Here?

Do you ever pause for a moment and say to yourself “How the hell did I get HERE?” Like, what little decisions did I make that had BIG effects on my environment, or my lifestyle, or my future? I’m literally chuckling as I’m writing, remembering the time I thought it’d be “fun” to have a baby and be a stay-at-home mom. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  – and here I am with three kids (ages 5, 4, & 2), navigating the balance between the joy of it all and the crazy person inside me who introduced herself BOLDLY upon my induction into motherhood. Uh, hey girl, where’d you come from?? You crazy. 

…Or that time when I thought I’d pursue music (officially) and all my “yuck” came out, subsequently having to go down a journey of chaotic self-discovery that I wasn’t prepared for. 

…Or that time I decided to take a wrecking ball (Miley-style) to my impenatrable theology after letting a little spirit-led curiosity interrupt my certainty. My my, that one is still at work. But, I think the foundation is cleared and I’ve begun to rebuild. Everyone, sidebar your concern, and just pray. The apocalypse is bullshit and Hell is an illusion. See ya in the big bright light! 

Deeps breaths, you’ll be okay 😉 don’t stop reading because you interpret the Bible differently than I, this next part might be helpful! 

We make powerful decisions. Each day, we let our mood and emotions, perceived knowledge, and unconscious expectations yoke us to our next small choice. Sometimes it works to our benefit; sometimes we wear The Scarlet Letter. It’s impossible to prevent these parts of us from influencing our lives, so go ahead and diffuse that fickle flame of shame you just lit. There’s no good in degrading parts of you that you’re not aware of. It is grace that keeps the walls padded as we grow in awareness of our motives and behaviors. You might want to beat yourself up for a small (or big) decision you made that led to something consequential, but you must adopt an attitude of correction…not a “shame for the sake of growth” mentality. A certain amount of grieving is necessary to let go of the parts of us that we thought were true. Most of the time, if not all, we’re not even aware that we’re functioning from the false self (ego/personality) or our true self (spirit). These things have to reveal themselves to us as we reflect on how we’ve made decisions in the past. What Spirit reveals to you will be very different from what I discover. 

Allow yourself space to process choices. This doesn’t mean “time to think it through.” This means you have to allow time for the truer parts of you to silence the ambitious parts of you. Stare at a candle, admire the flame, and wait for your inner voice (spirit) to reveal what your persistent ego already knows to be true, but isn’t satisfied with. Your mind has no influence here.

One day, we’ll all come to terms with knowing that life takes time, and the things we devote our patience to will produce the sweetest fruits. As much as you want to be a high-functioning, intelligent pace-setter who changes lives, reforms culture, and does it all with grace and ease, you have to learn to function from a place of peace instead of a place of pursuit. It’s possible. 

Just to remind you, you really can have any life you want if you release the reigns of responsibility, and give equality to your mind, soul, and spirit. Decision-making requires you to consult all three, big or small. I hope your next decision is full of blessing and positivity. 
-k