Discovering You Belong

There’s an underworld of authenticity to be discovered in us all. Not necessarily dark, though definitely not something we want to be printed in bold. It’s the parts of us that make us feel needy, dependent, and maybe hopeless – but are treasures. It’s the parts of us that we believe will ostracize us from the people we want belonging from. Whatever it is for you, there is a truth within that you’ve named “shameful” or “unworthy.” It’s your hope for acceptance that makes you judge whether or not you belong. We each build moving walls that shift based upon how that person we’re opening up to will receive us.

The seniority you’ve acquired on the earth has conditioned your beliefs and perceptions so that you compartmentalize who you are from who you want others to see. So,…you keep appearances. You follow trends…you take up popular hobbies…you follow in the footsteps of people you admire. You begin to believe that you’re going to wake up to life by discovering something new. The waking up happens when we open our eyes to see what is already in us. But what happens if what’s in you doesn’t flow with the norm? What if it actually makes you feel separated? Well, here’s where the test begins. Will you choose yourself over the life you’ve idealized? Our fantasies are windows into the “could be.” Our reality gives light to what is. When you merge the two, I can’t imagine much disappointment if you’re truly committing to applying the hope of your fantasies to the life you’re living now. Chasing acceptance by following others is destined for heartache. You have all you need already to be acceptable. It’s when you resist yourself that people resist you. It’s a subtle energy we give off, but it makes roaring waves.

It may be the very thing that unites us all, belief – our beliefs in who we are…in who we’re not….in who we aspire to be. So, what will help us get close enough to the edge of the outside that we don’t feel affirmed in our “belonging behaviors,” but also don’t disconnect completely into isolated independence?

If you aren’t disciplined, social media will bruise the ache. The more you scroll, the more others’ projections will influence your behavior… the more you’ll feel needy, or maybe even displace some unconscious emotions onto others. The more frequently we see and hear messages that push our “envy button,” we will eventually believe that we either need to make that life happen for us (ASAP), or we’ll feel defeated that our hopes aren’t happening (and maybe feel like they never will.)

I could point you to Jesus. I could suggest some self-help books. They’d be helpful, I’m sure! But what will be most impactful for those of you who are seeking acceptance (for yourself or from others) is a daily practice of self-love and encouragement. Love awakens parts of us that we’ve medicated to stay asleep. Learn yourself. Love yourself. Become yourself.

–

k